Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Dear A,

I’ve always wondered what I would say to you if I had the chance; if I had the courage to say what I should have said well over four years ago. I wonder how I would form my words, how I could make them sting, how I could possibly make you feel a fragment of what I was feeling.

You were the first person I completely opened up to. There wasn’t a single corner of my heart that I didn’t let you explore. No part of my mind I didn’t let you pick through and get to know. You knew me in a way that no one else really had. I was vulnerable for you; I adored you. I was young and starry-eyed and you took advantage. 

Looking back, I can’t believe how low I had let myself sink to try and change the mind of a someone who didn’t have my best interests at heart. You begged me not to leave you a second time..I made promises I knew I couldn’t keep, anything to get you to see that everything about my feelings were genuine and you were making a mistake not only when you physically and emotionally hurt me, but also when you cheated on me... You may have felt like It was so easy for me to just walk away, but it wasn't the easiest thing I had to do, although I am to this day greatful things happened the way they did... Had I made it that easy to use me? 

I shouldn’t have had to make you see that I was the one you should be with. I deserve someone who knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that I’m worth being faithful. You broke my heart. Twice. I believed that you had changed when you convinced me to come back a second time. I convinced myself that this would be different. I believed your words, ate them up and you deceived me once again. I hated you for making me so guarded. I hadn't trusted to let someone in, not as easily as I had let you. I’m over that now, it took some time but I can trust again. 

I've forgotten you. And it feels good to finally be able to say that.

I no longer feel sick when I think of you. You are nothing but a bad dream to me. The kind that haunts you the next day but then slowly you start to forget the details until the dream is completely forgotten. 

I would say that you missed out on a good thing, but i’d be lying. You spared me. You weren’t the one for me and it took some heart ache to realize that. I’m the lucky one. This isn’t a hate letter. My anger is gone, and all that’s left is a lesson learned.

Sincerely, T.

P.s thank you for showing me I deserved way better because in the end I finally got it and couldn't be happier..